


Aftermath

by NightshadeChimera29



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bounty Hunters, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Lemon, Outer Space, Porn With Plot, Slow Burn, Smut, Space Opera, Spaceships, Storm Trooper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightshadeChimera29/pseuds/NightshadeChimera29
Summary: If you're here I assume that, like myself you were not 100% satisfied with the ending of the sequel trilogy and are drowning yourself in fanfics.T-T I get you.However, rather than be a super toxic person like the crazies that have sent threats and hate mail to anyone and everyone that had anything to do with it I thought I'd just make a fanfic of what I want. Healthy coping mechanisms through art :D yay!!So anyway, for this fanfic, all the events of the sequel trilogy have happened and passed and we will continue where it left off to scrape together some semblance of happiness. Yes, I mean what you think. We are going to 100% bring back Ben/Kylo because damn I'm depressed to see him go.That being said I'm sad to admit that all my Star Wars knowledge comes strictly from what I have learned in the 9 films only and that is what I have to work with. (Plz no hate, I actually do want to learn more and I'm following some YouTube channels and trying to get ahold of some novelizations and such.)This is a work in progress. Hang in there.Star Wars is owned by Disney and Lucasfilms etc. Etc. I don't own any Starwars content, this is a fan made fiction.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Like you don't know..., Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 9
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

In a galaxy far far away.....

It's been one year since the defeat of the nefarious Palpatine who had returned from death. Palpatine whom had long manipulated the Galaxy from the shadows in his quest for ultimate and unrivaled power was struck down by his own granddaughter. Rey Palpatine has now taken the surname of Skywalker and lives in self exile in the remnants of the old family home on Tatooine.

The First and Final Orders have been defeated and dissolved. Many Storm Troopers returned to civilian life, seeking out their origins and returning to the places of their birth or finding new homes among the Galaxy. Others however, fail to assimilate. Having preferred the cruelty and power of The Order and twisted by it, they wreak havoc among the systems. Referred to by the common people as Death Bringers because of the blood they spill wherever they go.

Like a phoenix the Republic has risen again from the ashes but struggles within as the new generation clashes in debates on policies and leadership. What does it mean to be free and just on a galaxy wide scale? Who and how many should possess the power to make decisions for trillions? So far the only agreement is that the Death Bringers must be brought to heal, so the Republic has assigned teams and even opened Bounty contracts for the kill/capture of Death Bringers....

Rey grinned and wiped the sweat from her brow as Finn exited his ship and ran to her. She would never trouble him with the truth of just how badly she longed to see a familiar face but, she did. Perhaps she would have reached out to him rather than have this surprise visit but... There were some things she simply couldn't share with him.... Or anyone for that matter. 

A sharp pang twisted in her heart and she fought to maintain her smile and happiness to see him. She hated this pain, she had thought she was fine when she arrived on Tattooine, that she was content... Why did this ache haunt her?

"Rey!" Finn exclaimed and lifted her from her feet into a bear hug.  
She laughed as he spun her around before placing her back down, "Finn! What are you doing here?!"  
"Well you've been on this planet in this damned desert for a whole year now and haven't reached out. I was beginning to think that you died out here."

He held her a little too long, watched her a little too intensely. He always did. It may seem cruel to ignore the fact that she knew he had feelings for her but she simply didn't feel the same and she knew the moment that they had that conversation she would hurt him beyond repair. Maybe she hadn't talked to him of late but it was comforting to know she had a friend out there... It was all she really had left.

"Please! You would die LONG before me." She pushed him away playfully and laughed to cover up the knot forming in her stomach, "Come on in, I suppose I'll feed you. Though it really isn't much."

Finn followed her into the small dwelling as she scraped something together for them. He was oddly quiet when she finally turned to hand him the meal. Staring.

"What is it Finn? I promise it won't kill you."  
"I was just thinking that you are pretty cute all domestic-like instead of battling evil megalomaniacs." 

The words were jesting but the man behind them was not. His eyes were searching her reaction, hoping she may show any sign of interest.  
Rey laughed it off and turned to put her own meal into a bowl, feeling him sink into disappointment through the Force and then rise to a resolve. She looked up quizzically just as he came to her. Close, too close.  
She schooled her expression and met his eyes. He was tense, she knew his intention. No.

She quickly smiled, ," Haven't you ever heard of a bubble, Finn?" 

She took her food to the small table and made sure to sit across the way from his own. He took a deep breath and forced a smile of his own before returning to his food and took to catching her up on how he, Poe and Chewy were taking down Death Bringers the last year.

Eventually the two suns set on Tattooine and Rey gave Finn a room for the night before returning to her own. She had barely eaten, she rarely did. Not since her second night in the Skywalker home. Now she fought sleep, not just because of what came with it, she also didn't want to wake Finn.

....

*Flashing red and blue. The hum of sabers. Sweat dripping from her aching body as she fought off multiple attackers. Palpatine's eerie cackling, the crack of his lightening as he sucked Force energy from herself and Ben. Pain. Pain. Pain! BEN! Resolve... She knew what needed done... Death... Peace... Ben! Joy-No! BEN! Pain, sharp. Twisting. Agony in her muscles as she forced herself to run through the collapsing rubble of the sith temple. Fleet ships falling from the air! Push on! Burning thighs... She just wanted to lay down... No. Ben saved her. If she didn't get to her friends, if she didn't get out alive... It was for nothing... Panic. Adrenaline.*

Rey was tossing and turning through nightmares of that last day on Exogol. Tears streaming down her face, muttering and crying. Then suddenly, a disturbance in the Force... A blast of strong energy.... Familiar and comforting...

"BEN!" Rey bolted upright in bed. The presence gone as quickly as she had sensed it, leaving her feeling empty and alone again. Had she imagined it? She could have sworn... He never visited her like the former Jedi.. had he survived? No... He had become one with the force. Hadn't he? Why would Luke not tell her?

"Rey!" Finn's voice cut through her incoherent muttering, he was sitting on her bed and shaking her by the arms. 

Rey snapped back to herself, shaking her head and wiping her eyes, "I'm sorry Finn. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Rey... Why wouldn't you tell anyone? PTSD is no joke, no one would think less of you... We were at war, Rey!"

Rey swallowed passed the lump in her throat. It wasn't the PTSD she was worried about...

"Rey, why wouldn't you tell ME? I would help you..." Finn cupped her face in his hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.... Oh no... No, no, no... The intensity was back... No... Finn, don't...

He leaned towards her and she found herself frozen... No... He was so close..

"NO!" She screamed and unintentionally blasted him into the wall with the Force. Her eyes widened and she jumped up and ran to him in concern.

"Finn! Oh... I'm SO sorry Finn... Are you okay?!"

He shook his head as if clearing away dust and looked up at her with the expression of a wounded animal, "Why, Rey? Why am I not enough for you?"

"....Can't you see, Finn? Because of things like this. How easily I can manipulate you? Hurt you? Finn you are my dear dear friend... But you could never be my partner.. my equal?" She had to force her tongue to say the words like chewing on shards of glass.

Finn's hurt turned to anger, "Equal? Equal?! Rey if you go by terms of power then NO ONE could ever be your EQUAL! NO ONE! No one ever was, no one ever will be-"

Finn stopped mid shout as a realization dawned on his features, twisting them into disgust, "You were screaming Ben's name... I thought because of fear... But no.. you- You LOVED him!"

He practically spit the last three words. He searched her face, desperate for her to deny it... But she couldn't.

Finn leapt to his feet and shook her by the arms again, "How could you Rey?! He was a MONSTER! He murdered Innocents and stood by as planets of people were wiped out! I PERSONALLY watched him give the order to execute men, women and CHILDREN! An entire village! They meant nothing to him! How could you love THAT? FORGIVE THAT?! He killed his own FATHER!"

He let go, dropping her, and stepped back. The disdain radiating from him was enough to make her skin burn and her eyes water with tears. She could say nothing in her defense... How could he possibly understand the bond that she had shared with Ben?

Finn looked as if he may yell more, or even cry. Instead he backed away slowly before turning and stalking away.

Rey followed as he grabbed his bag and made way for his ship,"Finn... Wait.. please!"

She couldn't help but call out to him. This was it. Her greatest fear. Her last friend... He took one last look at her, shook his head and boarded the ship. Seconds later it leapt into the sky and then... He was gone.

A scream she barely recognized as her own ripped through the silent desert night and the Force flowed from her like the blast from an explosive. Sweeping out with impressive intensity.

When the sound finally died, she fell to her knees in a giant crater of her own making. The Skywalker home reduced to dust. Her tears were dry, she was overcome by a deep numbness. Empty. Alone.

"You're not alone Rey... A thousand generations live within you. We are here for you, Rey." Master Luke's voice whispered through her mind.

"You.... Are not enough."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgive any errors, I'm really shit at catching them on my own xD
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:
> 
> this chapter contains themes of sexual slavery and rape.

"You rotten bitch! You're lucky Kylo Ren is dead, he would cut you in half!" 

Rey barely blinked as she dragged her captive into the small dive bar on Tattooine. If she had had the will to feel anything, his little rant would be amusing. How would he react if he knew that Kylo Ren had actually saved her? These Death Bringers were so unbelievably delusional.... And dangerous. This particular rat of a man had killed three children in an attempt to begin conditioning them for his own followers. She truly wanted nothing more than to slowly burn the skin from his body with her saber.

Most bounty hunters were ignored when they walked in, but not Rey. Rey was the last Jedi, the last Skywalker. The end of an era and even a little terrifying these days. She really hated this damn bar and it's many, many eyes but, this is were the Republic set up a representative to issue contracts for Death Bringers. 

Rey dropped the degenerate at the foot of the representative's desk. Wiping her hand on her pants as if she could rid herself of his filth.

"Rey, Rey, Rey... Always SO glad to see you! Always so impressed by your ability to live capture. It does help greatly for information purposes. What are you even going to do with all these credits? Only six months and you could already retire!"

"What to do with them indeed... What would you do without me though? I'm the best." Rey smiled but there was no feeling behind it.

The representative, Jaken, squirmed uncomfortably under her cold eyes, "Unfortunately I'm going to have to find out. The Republic has ordered me not to issue you anymore contracts. No other representative is permitted either..."

Rey clenched her teeth together and fought to appear calm, "Why. Not?"

Jaken swallowed and tried to mask his fear with half a smile but it wavered under Rey's intense glare, "To be honest... The Republic is scared... People have been talking... Saying you're different... Dark... They're afraid of another Sith problem. The last one lasted for generations. They think the hunting is bad for you."

Rey took a deep calming breath, it wasn't the hunting that was going to turn her dark side. It was the lack of purpose, direction, home, belonging... The hunting kept her focused.

"Do you know of anyone else issuing contracts outside of the Republic?"

"Can't say I do." Jaken scratched his chin, feigning deep thought.

Liar.

"You want to tell me, go ahead. It will be our secret." Rey said as she waved her hand before his face.

"That's right, I wanted to tell you. Just keep it our secret, okay? I don't want the Republic baring down on little old me!"

"Of course, who is it?" Rey gave another unfeeling smile.

Jaken leaned forward, looking around and lowering his voice, "There's a mercenary at the bar.. Someone the Republic would normally have an eye on but, they're too preoccupied with Politics and Death Bringers.... He's putting out a contract."

Rey left him to seek out the Mercenary, it wasn't hard to find him. Everyone was giving him a wide berth. Rey, sat directly next to him.

"Need a hired gun?" He didn't even look up at first.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, "See, that's what I don't get... Surely a mercenary is capable of taking someone out on their own?"

At the sound of her voice his whole body tensed with some emotion that was gone too quickly for her to decipher. Fear, more than likely.

"The guy... He's my brother." He looked up at her then, his face carefully blank. Rey reached out into his thoughts... She only found a mirror of herself. He was focusing hard on her. Smart. Strange...

"That does complicate things... Why would you want him caught?"

"I don't want him caught, I want him dead... We aren't innocent. We've killed loads of men. Some who deserved it, some who didn't... But he caught a taste of something else..."

Rey scowled, "What else?"

"We had a rule.. no women and children... I found that he's... Fuck. He's been violating the women. He's sick."

Rey reached into his mind again... Mirrors. She was so deeply suspicious... But she needed to stay busy.

"I don't normally kill..." 

"Surely he deserves it. The contract is death. I want his head. 500,000 credits"

"... Deal." The word felt like sandpaper in her mouth, "What information do you have to go on?"

"He takes jobs, his current one is here. " He pointed at a world on a holographic map, not too far away.

"What does he look like?"

"... Me."

Rey was taken back, "Twins?"

"See how this is complicated for me?" A wry smile curved his lips.

"I see... " Rey closed the holographic map and pocketed it, "His head is yours, meet here in three days."

She stalked away with an air of confidence but was truly somewhat unnerved. She hadn't killed anyone since the war. That was defense. Surely she could kill someone so vile, right? Maybe even enjoy it... 

Would Luke tell her it wasn't the Jedi way? Did she care anymore?

...

By the end of the next day Rey was camped out on the new world. She had seen so many new places since she began bounty hunting. Some were treacherous and unforgiving. Others were Marvel's of beauty. 

Her favorite ones were always blue and green. Tattooine was comforting and familiar to her, like Jakku. Deserts were what she knew, but ever since she first left that place and set her eyes on wild forests and tasted thunderstorms... She craved them.

She had been watching a settlement all day that the Twin was supposed to be stationed as a gaurd and yet hadn't managed to spot him at all. It was getting dark and her back end was going numb from sitting high on the branch of a rather large, rather hard tree.

Had the Twin moved on from this job already? Something wasn't right, she just couldn't quite put her finger on it... Below women were harvesting from a small plantation. Gathering their bounty in baskets and carrying them off to a designated hut. Some men worked on repairs and others socialized.

What was missing? Rey surveyed the village again with her eyes before giving up and reaching out with the Force. Feeling for every life in the village, young and old. Young and... 

There was no young. No children. How odd, were the women barren? The sun sank just over the tree line, casting the village in shadow. The only light coming from torches and fire pits. Primitive.

Suddenly a loud bell chimed. The women dropped everything, literally dropping their baskets, to run and stand side by side in front of the largest hut. Their heads cast downward and silent as the men walked among them. As if sizing them up.

Rey clenched her fists tight. Hoping against hope to be wrong- The men began picking off the women and dragging them away to their personal huts. These women were their slaves.

Rey poised to leap down from the tree, rage turning her belly to fire within her... But a sting in her neck stopped her. Insect?

She reached up only to pull some sort of dart from her neck. She blinked at it. Her breathing suddenly felt much slower than normal. The world was spinning. She couldn't move. She fell from her perch and landed on the hard ground with the wind completely knocked from her lungs. Her vision faded.

...

It seemed like only a moment that her eyes were closed but it must have been much longer because she was no longer at the tree line. She was most definitely in one of the huts. She tried to move but whatever they shot her with had her immobilized and her head spun every time she tried to use the Force.

"How long will it work?"

"Hard to say... She is a Jedi after all."

The Twin came into Rey's field of vision. No... Not the Twin, "Mercenary!" She managed to spit out.

This was a trap. All of it. Fuck. She felt so stupid...

"She shouldn't be able to talk... I'd be quick if I were you." The other voice said as it exited.

"Now now lovely. Don't sound so unhappy to see me! I'll treat you nice..." He trailed a finger up her side and over her breast. 

Revulsion curled up inside her. She was going to puke.

"All... A lie."

"No no no, lying to those who are force sensitive is hard enough, harder to a Jedi. I am a mercenary. I am a twin. I'm... Just the OTHER twin. I killed my brother after he caught me with a pretty little thing... She was so sweet... He tried to stop me. I couldn't have him ruin something so sweet..."

"You're DISGUSTING."

He narrowed his eyes but then grinned, "I gotta tell you, I'm beyond excited. Who would have thought that I'd have the chance to fuck The Last Jedi!"

The mercenary crawled on top of her, forcing her knees apart to kneel between them. He cut away her bottoms and stared at her exposed flesh with sick Glee.

Fear, pure fear shot through her for the first time in months. No... No... No! No! No!

She closed her eyes in panic as he lowered himself on top of her, the weight of him making her cringe until... Suddenly it was gone. She felt wet everywhere.

Slowly... Rey opened her eyes. She was covered in blood and body matter. He was completely vaporized. She managed to lift herself just enough to vomit over the side of the bed.

Then she felt it. Tears sprang to her eyes as she looked up to the opening of the hut... Ben. He stood there, taking up the entire doorframe, long dark hair and deep brown eyes... Ben...

How?

How?!

"Am I dead?" Rey sounded ridiculous even to herself. Dead people weren't drugged in beds and covered in goo that used to be a person.

But then how was he here? Solid. Not a force ghost. Clean and whole and perfect... He was silent and she could sense a struggle in him as her abilities began to return. Rage and relief warred inside him. Always at conflict...

Ben was... Alive. Joy sprang up within Rey.  
Ben was alive!  
Ben was... Alive... Another emotion followed. Ben was alive. For how long? She knew though... Of course... He has been alive nearly half a year... That night. 

Rage evaporated the last of the drugs in her system, "How... Dare you? How dare you!" 

She was able to catch him by surprise and fling him against the hut wall with the Force.

"Ow." He bit out. She continued to try and throw him about but he was prepared now and kept steady with his own Force power, "I just SAVED you... Again. I might add."

Rey screamed and ran at him, catching him in the jaw with her fist before he could react, "Who asked you to?!"

He grabbed her by the wrists and she was frustrated to find him physically stronger, unable to escape his hold, "You've gotten scary... I would think no one needed to be given permission to keep you from being raped. How could you walk into such a STUPID trap? You've been reckless"

"Hate you... I hate you..."Rey felt lost in her emotions as they rolled through her without mercy. Like being battered by waves after months of nothing but calm seas. She was drowning. Relief. Joy. Sorrow. Betrayal. Rage.

"Hate me all you want." He muttered. He kept his face plain but she heard the sadness in his deep voice. Rey exploded on a smaller scale but similar to that on Tattoine. The hut blasting apart around them. She wanted to hit him. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to hit him.

"Reckless! I've been GRIEVING Ben!" She struggled against his hold.

"Grieving who? That traitor die or something?" He asked. He had the nerve to look bewildered.

A hysterical laugh bubbled out of Rey. She was really going to lose it. She needed to meditate or something, "Ben..." She struggled to find any words. She was shaking from the effort. The ground vibrated beneath them and stones from the hut began to float in the air around them. Everyone in the village had run to the trees in terror.

"... Me? Grieving me? Rey..." A positively delighted grin spread across his face before he could stop it. Just like the one she had seen after she kissed him over a year ago..,"You love me?"

"No."

"You do." He fought to squash down his smile and return to his stoic expression.

"No!"

"Sure."

"I don't love you! I HATE you!" Rey spat.

"It's better if you do." Ben released her wrists and she stood confused as he turned to walk away from her. 

"WHERE are you going?!" Rey demanded.

"Back to where I was, I've already drawn to much attention to myself."

Rey balked and ran after him, "Excuse me? You're just going to swoop in and out? I deserve an explanation! Where have you been, Ben?!"

He turned to her, "It doesn't matter Rey, you can't come with me.... Also... You need pants."

She slammed her fist into his jaw again. Taking his moment of pain to wrap a cloth around her waist like a make shift skirt. Fighting the bright blush turning her ears and face red, "Damn right I'm coming. I want answers before I kill you myself."

"No." Ben said and stalked off again, making impressive strides with his long legs. 

"Yes I AM!" Rey Force threw a basket at the back of his knees, causing the arrogant ass to fall on his knees with a grunt and glare back at her.

Rey held out her hand and her saber flew to it from the tree line. With a flick she ignited it and held it threateningly close to his neck.

His eyes met hers narrowed and cold... Kylo? The thought barely crossed her mind before his red saber was ignited and knocking hers away with enough force to make her stumble back.

"Ben... Why... It's... Red?" Rey shook her head... She had turned Ben back to the light. It happened. She knew it. Why?

"Yours is yellow, so fucking what?" Ben glared at her. She was taken aback by his flippance. So what???

"Ben... You turned to the light..."

"Damn it Rey! Yes, I made a good decision. I finally shed the weight of my oppressors and stood with you against them. That doesn't mean I'm magically light side! I had problems before I joined the dark side. I've always struggled, I probably always will. It definitely didn't erase the things I have done! Kylo Ren. Ben. Blue. Red. It's all the same! I'm not two different people! I was dumb enough to think I could separate them but I can't! Neither can you! I did all those things!"

Rey was battered by his words... Aren't they true? Had she been naive all this time?

"I... You're right. You're right... I don't care." Rey extinguished her saber. Shocking even herself a little. What was she saying?

"Of course you do! You love BEN. You hate KYLO. You have seen them as seperate but they aren't! They are both ME. Whatever the fuck that means now! The Republic would see it that way. You have to too! Do you think they will just forgive me? That the moment they know I'm alive they won't hunt me down? I don't really blame them.. but I have no plans to die or be caged. I WILL kill anyone who tries to come for me. Could you do that Rey? Could you kill good men and women to protect the life of a murderer?!" He was yelling at her now and every word was a stab in her heart.

Ben put out his own saber, "I didn't think so." He began walking again and she knew that if she let him go that he would be gone forever. Like he was dead again all over. Every step made her sick, the open wound cut into her from their missing bond aching and making her feel more sick than the drugs. More sick than the Mercenary. More sick than her loneliness and her nightmares.

"I don't know... I don't know if I could.. but I want to find out. I want to know what happened to you. I want to know how you're alive... Rather I kill Innocents or kill YOU... I want to find out for myself."

Ben turned slowly and searched her face, "You're different Rey... The old Rey would have clung to the Jedi way like a security blanket. Clung to the light. Never consider murder."

"... Shit happens." Rey muttered. She caught up with him and waited expectantly for him to lead on.

"There's no room for you on my ship."

"Great, I'm sure mine is better anyway." So Ben followed her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did I bring Ben back? Sorry it's not the world between world theory. Though that sounds super fucking cool I just don't know enough about it to feel comfortable making it a thing in this fic >.<
> 
> If you like, make sure to leave me a comment! Let me know what's working for you!

"I see the bounty hunting has treated you well... If there is anything you need from Tattooine tell me now. I will only make one stop." Ben walked through Rey's ship like he owned it. She supposed that being Supreme Leader , if only for a moment, gave someone a sense of entitlement that was hard to shake.

A thought crossed her mind, "how do you know I was bounty hunting? That I was staying on Tattooine? Or that I was here tonight for that matter?"

"I've been feigning death, not actually dead. Well... I was, but then I wasn't. It's complicated." He seemed both pleased with himself and yet sheepish at the same time. It was strange.

"I'm looking forward to the story. Well, if you were so well informed then you would know I blew a crater in Tattooine and so I have been living mostly on this ship." Rey couldn't help but give a smug, matter - of -fact type tone.

Ben fought a smile, "Blowing things up, considering murder... Sounding very close to the dark side there. If only you were so eager back then..."

"Oh, you have jokes now? Usually you walk around like there is a saber stuck up your ass." Rey fumed.

That seemed to tip him over the edge, he laughed. Really laughed. Rey was both angrier and happier at the sound. She had only seen him smile once before he died and now he was here, laughing.

"I have to tell you that you are not very intimidating wrapped in rags. And such LANGUAGE. You spent too much time with those low life's on Tattoine." He chuckled and Rey thought she never heard such beautiful sounds in her life... But she still wanted to beat him senseless.

"I'm also wrapped in BLOOD." She pointed out threateningly.

Ben's expression darkened, earlier anger returning, "Yes, but that was me."

"I don't know why you're suddenly angry again but don't break anything on MY ship." Rey commanded.

"How are you NOT angry Rey?! You know what he was about to do to you." Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and struggled to take deep calming breaths. She was sure he most definitely wanted to whip out his saber and destroy something, anything.

"I'm too busy being angry at YOU."

"Me? Me?!" Suddenly had her backed against the wall, glaring down at her. Had he always been so tall? Of course, she just hadn't seen him in so long, "So I daring to be alive, and not cater to what you needed, not even knowing that you needed it, am worth more of your wrath than that filthy fucking animal?" 

Ben's fist slammed into the wall next to her and she had to struggle not to appear afraid even though she found him just as scary now as the first time he had come for her and BB8 in the woods. Masked and menacing.

"What he would have done would have been devastating... But you left me for dead."

"You're alive, Rey!" 

"No! I'm walking and Talking and dragging myself through the days! It's not the same as being alive Ben! We have a bond! Do you know what it felt like to be missing that? To feel like the universe itself cut out a piece of your soul?! I've been lost Ben!"

"I was doing what was best Rey, and how was I to know you would even welcome me back as I am?!"

"We kissed Ben!"

Long, uncomfortable silence stretched between them. Rey looked up to find that damned closed off expression again. 

"... You should go wash." He backed away from her and went to pilot the ship.

So... Had it meant more to her than him? 

...

When Rey returned from washing, Ben had placed the ship On auto-pilot. They had light speed travelled to a new, far off system but now that they were approaching destination he seemed in no particular hurry.

He sat in a chair, staring out into deep space. Lost in some far away thought. She was tempted to reach out and and try and read him but she knew better that he would be locked down. He had been since she first felt him all those months ago.

She regarded him curiously. He still favored black but he wore less layers, no theatrics. His black hair a little longer than before, his face no longer marred from her saber. If he took off his shirt would the rest of him be as unscathed? No shoulder wound from Finn? No blaster wound from Chewy?

"Why are you staring at me?" She nearly jumped, his eyes meeting hers in the reflection on the glass, "and what are you wearing?" He demanded as he turned to face her, eyeing her up and down.

"What's wrong with- nevermind, more importantly, I want my story now. What happened?" She peeked down at her outfit and couldn't find anything wrong with it. Just some shorts and a loose shirt. It was what she wore when she was relaxed. 

Ben shifted uncomfortably closer to the window as she took the seat next to him, "You'll find I'm actually quite skilled and intelligent." His tone suggested she thought otherwise. Which wasn't untrue. He allowed himself to be taken to the dark side and manipulated by those who sought to use his power.

"Alright MASTER Ren," Rey mocked as she leaned back in her seat, "Impress me with your genius." There was a flash of something in his eyes that she didn't quite catch before he squashed it.

"Where to begin..."

"The beginning is a good start." Rey's voice dripped with sarcasm. 

Ben shot her a glare, "Then I suppose it's after I killed Snoke and you ran away back to your PRECIOUS resistance."

"Ben you wanted to destroy everything. You-"

"Was I really wrong though? Think for YOURSELF Rey. Forget light side, dark side. Forget the Sith and the Jedi. This all began because the original Republic was failing. Palpatine would not have so easily manipulated it if it wasn't. It was too large, with too many voices squabbling to be heard while people suffered."

"Oh, and the Empire was SO much better? The First Order?"

"No. Neither was. You don't listen to me Rey. You don't even begin to try because all you see is Black and White. The Jedi way. I told you that day to let it ALL die. "

"And what was your better idea, Ben?" Rey was getting frustrated. It was the same old fight.

"I didn't have one yet! I wanted to figure it out together." That rage... The Kylo in him was creeping up again. No. This is Ben. It's all Ben.

"By taking control of the First Order? What gives us that right, Ben? Who are we to decide the fate of so many who did not choose us?" Rey was beginning to feel utterly exhausted. The day had been entirely too long.

"Someone had to. The alternative would be allowing the Order to run rampant. Imagine the Death Bringers on a much larger scale. The FORCE chose us Rey. It made our bond. Made us a dyad, opposite sides of the same coin so that we could find a balance between us. We still are that balance. The new Republic can't even decide enough to really get off the damn ground! People are still suffering. The only difference is that the Republic gives the illusion of choice."

Rey rubbed her temples. 'Still are' he had said. It was still something he wanted and believed in," What are you going to do, Ben?" She sighed.

"... Nothing."

Rey's jaw nearly dropped open and she looked up at him in shock, "Nothing?"

"I believe every word I said Rey. I believe it's our destiny. I just... Don't care anymore. Fuck destiny. Fuck the Force. Fuck the new Republic... Everyone. I don't care for them. I hope they all kill each other."

Rey almost laughed. Partially from surprise and partially because he sounded younger than ever before. Like a sullen teenager.

"... So... Back to my story?"

He took a deep breath, "I didn't learn nothing from the past. Either some other power hungry scum was going to try to kill me, or the resistance... Or you. So, I had a clone made."

"No."

"Yes."

"Liar!" Rey jumped up and paced in anger.

"I never lie to you Rey."

"Clones take years to grow. It wouldn't be the same. You're still so... You. Too much you." She was feeling. A clone? A clone??

"Normally, yes but I only needed a new functioning body. I had the growth accelerated. The body didn't need a consciousness of its own... I learned some quite useful and.. unnatural things from my dark masters. When I passed, I directed my own conciousness to the new body through the Force."

Surely not. Not even the dark side could... Surely not.

"Why did I not feel you for a whole year?"

"Honestly it didn't feel like a year to me. It felt like an instant. Like when you fall asleep and wake up the next morning..." 

"Who maintained the clone until then? Where are they now?"

"Dead."

"You KILLED them?!"

"And anyone who has recognized me since. That's why I chose the place we are going. Far away from anyone. Just as out of the way as my pompous uncle."

Rey scowled at him. He still...

"I told you Rey... Can you accept that? Can you live that kind of life with me?"

Rey pressed her head to the cool wall of her ship, silent.

Could she? Surely not... surely she couldn't. To protect Ben, Kylo Ren. Former Supreme Leader. Killer of Innocents. Killer of Han Solo. Volatile murderer with a God complex... What was the alternative? Kill him? Reopen her aching wounds? Go back to where she was, alone... Slipping into the dark.

She felt him at her back, he slid a finger down her arm ever so softly and she turned to face him.

"It's okay that you cant, Rey. You can take your ship and leave." He was giving her a way out but, she saw the pain. He was trying so hard to bury it and bury their bond with it but he couldn't. He was alone too. Scarred deep inside too. The only one who knew what she was feeling. Her opposite but, her equal. 

She was suddenly so aware of him. His height, his build, that hair and this dark, intense eyes. Now she did feel underdressed.

"I..." May regret this, "...can."

A light came on inside him, he was happy but he didn't let it reach his face. He was, like her, afraid, "We'll see."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So it came to my attention that the last chapter ended so well that you could just consider the last 3 chapters as if they were an epilogue if you wanted to end there xD 
> 
> But I'm a glutton so of course I want much more! Here we go! Chapter 4.

/Flashing blue and red. The hum and crack of sabers. Sweat dripping from her aching body as she fought multiple attackers. Palpatine. Electricity. The Force being sucked from them. Pain. Pain. PAIN. Resolve... Victory... Death... Peace... Ben! No! Ben!/

"Ben!" Rey choked, bolting upright in bed in her ship. She was shaking. She searched frantically around the room, further out with the Force. Was that the nightmare or was this? Was Ben really-

"I'm here, Rey." 

She felt him but had to blink several times to focus on his form in the dark, sitting at the foot of her bed. Watching her with that damned gaurded look that he wore so well. He was here. He was alive. This was real.

"Yes." He said. It took her a moment to realize he was listening to her thoughts.

"You were practically throwing your thoughts out in your sleep. Don't worry... I have the nightmares too. It's funny... The two most powerful people in the galaxy... Our greatest demons are in our heads." He looked so tired all the sudden. 

Rey closed her thoughts back up, "We're only human, Ben."

He placed a comforting hand on her shin but she jumped in surprise, causing him to snatch it back,"I have no intentions to hurt you Rey. "

"That's not it."

"Hm. So you say."

Rey took a deep breath, he could be so infuriating.

She crawled down the bed closer to him and his eyes narrowed, tense and ready for a fight. Rey fought a smile as she placed a hand on each side of his broad shoulders. His face slipping into confusion at the last second before she brushed her lips against his. 

He was tense when she pulled back to look at him but he made no movement or sound.

"I'm not afraid of you, Ben." Rey caressed his face and straddled his hips.

"Don't." He managed to choke out. His hands digging into her waist and holding her back.

"I want to." Rey leaned in closer.

Ben gently pushed her off him, "You were distraught. Get some sleep. We arrive in the morning, which is only a few hours away."

He stood to leave and she grabbed his hand. He refused to look back at her, "I know what I want Ben. It is always you who is torn apart by every decision."

"Do you believe that Rey? Do you believe you know what you want? I think you did... Back then. You wanted to be a Jedi. To have a purpose and a belonging in this world. To fight for the light. Now, everything you have done in the last six months contradicts that. Including this.... This isn't what you want. This is you flailing and lost."

Rey felt like he slapped her, "What does wanting you now have to do with any of those other things I want?"

"Don't be stupid, if those are things you want then you can not have me. The Jedi do not take lovers. They purge themselves of any passions that could lead them to the Dark Side. Did Luke teach you ANYTHING?"

"Of course he did. Of course I know that... But there have been exceptions. Your grandfather and your own mother to name two." Rey squeezed his hand.

Ben scoffed, "And look how well that went for them. You took the Skywalker name, which is so very weird by the way, as if my family is anything but a legacy of fools and failures."

"Why is it weird? That's not true." Rey bristled. She hated when he talked badly of his family.

"Delude yourself all you want. It's weird because you sound like my cousin... Just be at peace for a while Rey. Figure out who you are and who you will become."

"Now you want me to figure it out? You were always so damned sure of who I would become before. My visions have come to pass, Ben. Even if not completely as expected, they have passed. Are you saying you were wrong, /MIGHTY/ Kylo Ren." She was aware she was being petty but she was too irritated to care much.

"Just because my visions have yet to pass, does not mean they were wrong. Which is kind of funny now since I have no intentions of ruling anyone, dark or light. Your turning is a little late on the schedule it seems."

Rey shook her head, "You... still think I will become dark? Why would I?"

"Maybe I'm not the best influence? I did tell you it was better to stay away... Perhaps it's a part of the grand scheme of our destiny."

"But fuck destiny, right?" Rey's lip trembled.

"Fuck destiny." Ben agreed, leaving her alone in the dark 

...

By the time they landed Rey was fuming. She simply did not get this infuriating man. She loved him. He was delighted that she did. He obviously loved her. He risked exposure to keep tabs on her and save her, yet here they were. Sitting in empty silence.

Loving Ben was not enough, she had to except all his actions as Kylo. Joining him was not enough, she had to show she meant it. The most annoying part was how much better he was getting at being calm. If his visions were to happen... Was he easing into the light and her slipping into the dark? She had to admit her feelings of late were... Not very Jedi. 

Well if they were true, it was him that was going to drive her there with this silly angst he insisted on placing between them. Nothing else. He doubts her feelings and intentions while saying he is certain of their path in the same breath. Conflict and contradiction always...

Her bad mood dissolved some as she took in the lush green trees and Crystal blue coastline of the unknown planet... The blue and green world's were her favorite.

Sprinting off the ship, she ran out into the shallows and fell into the water. Drifting on her back, feeling so light and free in the cool water. She loved the feeling of floating, as if all the weight of the world was lifted from her. 

/'You should come back, Rey.'/ Ben pushed his thoughts to her from where he stood at the beach. So stoic and serious.

/'Ill do what I want.'/ She thought at him before shutting down her mind and closing her thoughts off with a grin. Why had she decided to live on Tattooine again? Or her ship, for that matter? She could have had this all this time.. maybe it would have helped...

A familiar hum had her eyes flying open as Ben's saber flashed over her, a surprised shriek escaped her and for a second she thought she was dead. Then he yanked her up by the front of her shirt and she was able to see him slicing the head off of some sea creature with entirely too many sharp teeth.

Red blood sprayed around them and clouded the water before the body sank. Ben clicked off his saber, "You would do well to listen to me, Rey."

"Saying I 'should come back' and 'there's a vicious monster in the water' will illicit two VERY different reaponses, /master Kylo/."Rey crossed her arms defiantly. Was this childish? Maybe...

Ben laughed at her, "You're cute when you don't get your way. Want a tip though?"

"What?" Rey glared.

Still holding her by the shirt he pulled her close and whispered in her ear, "You're not intimidating when I can see through your clothes and it does NOT hurt me one bit to hear you call me 'master'."

Rey shoved him away. Furious and embarrassed. Her clothes had indeed gone transparent and he was most definitely teasing her. His smile disappeared and his blank expression returned. Damn this man... She wanted to make him unravel... Just once.

Some hidden, buried instinct rose up in her and gave her courage. She wasn't sure what she was doing but it felt right. Rey grabbed the front of his own shirt, reached up and crashed her mouth against his.

He stood rigid and immoveable. She wanted him to want her. To make him react. In a last ditch effort she grabbed him through the front of his trousers. 

Ben sucked in a surprised breath and she kissed him again. Taking the opportunity to slide her tongue against his.

He grabbed her hair in his fist tightly and brought her face away from his with a sharp jerk that almost hurt. Her heart almost sank until she saw his face. The intensity was almost terrifying. So much stronger than what Finn had looked at her with. She suddenly felt very vulnerable, like a small animal facing off a dangerous predator.

He picked her up and the next thing she knew her back was in the sand on the beach. His body over hers, between her thighs. His mouth met hers this time and unlike her he seemed very skilled. Applying the right pressure to cause her to open up for him and work his tongue in her mouth in a way that made her shiver.

He grinded himself against her and all the sensations combined were driving her crazy. A small moan escaped her and she felt like her body was burning but she never wanted to put the fire out.

Ben's lips left hers and she felt the loss like an ache until he began to kiss down her neck, biting and sucking at her flesh. He pulled back on his knees to look down at her where she lay dazed. 

The intensity began to die, no... She reached for him, "No... Ben." He grabbed her hand and held it away from him.

"This is the second time I've covered you in blood." Rey looked down at her transparent clothes in surprise... They were stained... And then she noticed the blood sticking to her arms. Was it on her face? How had they not noticed before? 

"Come." He stood, back to business, "You can clean up at the house."

Rey would have been more crushingly disappointed but she couldn't help but feel a little victorious. She had succeeded. He loved her and he definitely wanted her. She felt the same.

She stood and took his hand and a vision flowed through her.

/'Rey' ... 'Ben'.../ Their bodies tangled together. Working together in a way that caused her knees to give out and she dropped back to the ground with a gasp.

"Are you okay?" Ben got down and looked her over for injury. Had he not seen it?

Rey cleared her throat, "Yeah, Yes. I'm fine, let's go."

She followed him with a secret smile, would this be as hard as she thought?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't know what to put here, no spoilers xD  
> So instead here is my personal Reylo playlist. Some I'm sure you have seen, others may be new.
> 
> Burn - The Cure  
> Another Life - Motionless in White (MIW)  
> Eternally Yours - MIW  
> Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin  
> Gone Away - Five Finger Death Punch (FFDP)   
> (^^ post TROS *so sad^^)  
> Tears Don't Fall - Bullet For My Valentine (BFMV)  
> Colors - Crossfade  
> Wherever You Will Go - The Calling  
> Broken - Seether ft. Amy Lee  
> Dark Paradise - Lana Del Rey  
> (^^ more post TROS ^^ T-T)  
> Lovely - Billie Eilish  
> Bring Me To Life - Evanescence  
> My Immortal - Evanescence  
> "If you don't listen to Evanescence don't waste my time." X'D  
> Until Eternity - Black Briar   
> E.T. - Katy Perry ;)  
> Savin Me - Nickelback..... FIGHT ME.  
> When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne (Post TROS)   
> Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade  
> Savior - Rise Against
> 
> I'm sure I could continue forever but there you go for now xD

Days went by and Rey was getting restless and irritable. She had thought that Master Luke had had entirely too much free time before he agreed to train her but at least he had a routine. 

Ben had shown her to a room, that to her dismay he did not intend to share with her and it even came with it's own giant washroom. The house was large and luxurious and immaculate in every way and he of course was on the entirely other end most days in his own room.

He would spend hours upon hours reading books as thick as her forearm on anything and everything. The workings of fighter crafts, war strategy, weather, new and old star systems... She didn't understand how he could sit so still for so long. Even she couldn't meditate for as long as he could read. Was that what he spent the last half of a year doing??

Rey groaned and fell back on her bed. She did enjoy her bed, it was the softest thing she had ever laid on in her life. Even the bed aboard her ship felt like a rock in comparison. Everything he had here was incredibly nice. She began to wonder what he did to aquire it but stopped herself, it was better that she didn't.

Leaping to her feet she ran down the long hall to the other end and flung open his door. 

"You should really knock." He didn't even look up from the book he was reading. It was practically ridiculous. The former Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren, lazing about with books for days on end. 

"I'm BORED." Rey hopped up onto his bed and started jumping like a kid. His room was pretty much a library with a bed and a desk. All clothing in an adjacent walk in closet and of course his own washroom.

A small smirk lifted the corner of his mouth but he still didn't look up, "I didn't ask you to come with me. How did you occupy yourself on Tattooine for that first year? "

"Tattooine had races and bars and markets and gambling and bounty hunting and stuff. We are the only people on this PLANET." Rey plopped down from her jumping.

"That... Would be the point." Ben said, seemingly very interested in whatever was in today's book.

Rey wandered behind him and peaked over his shoulder. He was reading about Kyber Crystals today. At least that was interesting to her. 

Grinning, she snatched the book from him and ran to the other side of the desk. 

Ben sighed and looked up at her, "Must you?"

"MuSt YoU." Rey mocked and ran out of the room. She was halfway down the long hall when the carpet shifted and she found herself falling on her face with an 'oof'.

Rolling over slowly she found Ben staring down at her with his hand out expectantly. He really was so... Arrogant.

She clutched the book tightly to her chest.

"Rey... Give it to me." Such a commanding tone. 

She glared up at him, " Make me."

Taking a deep calming breath, Ben flipped his hand and pulled with the Force. Rey fought it, holding onto the book with white knuckles. She started to giggle, this was actually a little fun... Shows how bored she was.

Ben clenched his jaw and reached out again, harder this time and with a surprised Yelp Rey found that he had lifted her onto her feet along with the book. He had always been quite impressive with this stuff.

He lifted her in the air, "Hey, hey, hey. Put me down!" Rey kicked her feet. Trying to force herself down again but failing.

Ben reached out with his other hand as she dangled and forced the book out of her hands, "Maybe you should do some reading of your own. I happen to have scrapped together some texts regarding the Jedi and the Sith. The Force."

"... I thought I had the last texts... The ones that belonged to Master Luke."

"Destroying knowledge and history is a popular strategy in weakening a group of people. However, it's usually impossible to completely irradicate. This makes the texts very, very rare... But I have some. I felt they were pertinent to my plans." Ben said as he set her down slowly. 

She had to admit that she was impressed. She often felt he was like a petulant child, damaged and manipulated... Which was true... But she was starting to gather that he was actually quite shrewd. She eyes him suspiciously.

"I wouldn't have been very useful to my masters if I was too stupid to put my incredible power to any use." He said simply, as if he read her mind even though she knew that he didn't. 

"Alright... I'm interested. Give me the books." 

...

A week later Rey was laying in her bed with her own nose stuck in a book. A history of light saber forms. Though she was interested she wasn't like Ben.. she couldn't just keep reading. She needed other stimuli, she needed breaks. 

What to do? Getting him out of his room was tough. She couldn't swim with the sea monsters. There were no other people. She wanted to cry from frustration. What did she think would happen though?

As if the universe sensed her unrest, she rolled over and nearly screamed. Ben was laying there with his book... He looked up from it, confused to see her.

"....Ah....." Was all he said.

"When did you get here?" Rey demanded.

He stared at her.

"Oh... Well this hasn't happened in a while." Rey propped herself up on her elbow. He looked back down at his book. Rey rolled her eyes and snatched the book from him and threw it in the corner of her room.

"Rey!" Ben growled, exhasperated. She had pulled it through space and now that neither of them were touching it he couldn't see it or get it from her room.

"Come visit me." Rey grinned mischievously.

"... No. It's late." Rey chewed the inside of her lip. Why did everything have to be so hard with him. She reached out slowly and touched his hand. Feeling it as if he were really in her room. Warm and solid.

Ben pulled back, looking weary of her, "Rey..."

Feeling courageous she crawled into his lap, straddling him, "Come see me..." She whispered, leaning forward and placing her lips softly to his. Once, twice, again... Then kissing down his neck like he had done to her on the beach. She felt his pulse jump underneath her lips and he clenched his fists at his side, eyes closed.

"....Rey..." 

Rey slid her fingers through his long dark hair and brought her mouth to his ear. Kissing and nibbling as she pressed herself tighter against him, "Ben..." 

She felt him getting hard beneath her and she loved it. Feeling her belly do flips as she grew wet. She leaned back to look at his face and found him looking at her longingly. She was glad she seemed to be doing everything right.

She slid her hands down his chest and then back up beneath his shirt to feel his bare skin, digging her nails in lightly, "I want you, Ben."

"...fuck." He whispered before pulling her to him and kissing her roughly. One hand at her back, pressing her close and the other sliding up her side to grasp her breast through her shirt.

Rey gasped, rocking her hips against his hard length through their pants. She was aching for him to touch her there. Furthermore, having him so close just felt so inexplicably RIGHT. Like that hole that was ripped through her upon his death was being stitched shut with his hands and mouth.

But she needed him to be really there. In her room. She leaned back away from him and he reached out to stop her, "Come get me Ben, please." 

Rey focused hard to shut down the bond. Leaving her alone and bereft in her bed... Would he come? She chewed her lip and hugged her knees to her chest. 

Please....

A moment went by and she thought she was going to cry. Then her door flew open and Ben wasted no time making his way to her bed. He yanked her into his arms and set his mouth to work on her own. Pressing her body flush against him, barely giving her a moment to breathe.

"Ben..." Rey pushed up at the bottomm of his shirt. She wanted to feel him. He let her go and yanked it over his head in one fluid motion. Then turning his attention to hers, shoving the wraps down and then ripping the under shirt down the middle. 

She barely had time to be shocked by the ferocity before he pushed her down on the bed, crawling over her and kissing her again. Her lips, her jaw, down her neck. Sucking where it met her shoulder in a way that she was sure would leave a mark. Then he kissed lower, working one of her breasts with his hand and taking the other in his mouth.

Rey moaned and slid her fingers through his hair, "Ben..."

He looked up at her through the falling curls, meeting her eyes. Her heartbeat stuttered and she felt a blush creep throughout her body, setting her on fire.

He pulled back and for a second she was terrified that he was going to stop, "... I'm not covered in blood... "

"No... You're not." He shoved her pants and undergarments down her legs and pulled them off her, leaving her completely exposed to him. For a moment he just stared. Again she felt that vulnerability. He was an intimidating force and oh how she wanted to have him.

He knelt on the floor at the edge of the bed and she had only a second to be confused before he gently pulled her to him, draping a leg over each of his shoulders. He kissed her inner thigh and she felt a tightening deep inside her making her moan more. 

Then his mouth was on her, working her most sensitive spot while he slid his two fingers inside her. Rey cried out, grabbing at the sheets for something to hold on to as pleasure began to build inside her. Her chest rising and falling with ragged breaths.

It felt like sweet torture, building with nowhere to go. She was sure she was going to go mad from it. Then he twisted his fingers toward himself in an almost beckoning gesture that hit just the right spot. Throwing her over the edge and releasing all the tension, "Ben!" 

She could barely breathe as she looked down at him and met his eyes again. He slowly licked her clean, keeping his eyes on her. If she was blushing before she was absolutely flaming in her cheeks now. 

He crawled up and kissed her again, softly this time. Then he stood and dropped his pants. Standing before her completely bare.

Rey swallowed thickly. He was perfect. He was also rather large, not just in body but in sex as well, "Move up in the bed, Rey." 

She didn't even care about his bossy tone, just did as she was told and was delighted when he joined her. Positioning himself back between her thighs, lowering himself so that his cock was pressed against her and his body propped over her. She felt so tiny and soft in comparison.

"Rey..."

"...Ben." 

He kissed her again, just as he slid inside her with one fluid motion. She gasped into his mouth as her body attempted to grasp the change. The feeling of him filling her up so fully.

It was shocking, she shook for a moment and he had managed to keep completely still. Only kissing her. Her lips, her cheek, her jaw. He seemed to realize that this would happen. How had she not known? It didn't HURT, exactly... But it was such a new sensation that she didn't know how to grasp it.

She felt a little panicked, she didn't know what to do to make it better but she knew she didn't want to stop, "Ben..."

Ben kissed her again, slow and gentle. Then he reached between them and started to rub her sweet spot. Sweet relief and pleasure began to replace the discomfort and she kissed him back passionately. She loved him, she really, really loved him.

Taking it as a sign Ben began to move, thrusting inside her. Slowly at first, coming nearly all the way out and then back in. His own moan escaping him, making her smile. Rey never thought anything could feel so damn good. So right.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulled him close and kissed him more. Moaning as he began to pick up pace, sliding over that special spot again and again and hitting home deep inside her.

She felt it again, the tightening and tension throughout her entire body. Building and ebbing as he played with the pace. Then just building. They were both panting and sweating and moaning, she felt close to that crest... So close...

"Ben... Ben... I think..." Her words died and she cried out as her body tightened around him in absolute bliss, spasming and coming apart as his thrusts became more frantic. Riding out her pleasure and coming towards his own release.

"Rey!" He shouted and stilled, she could feel his cock pulsing and pouring itself inside her as he he reached his own climax. She loved the feeling of him filling her, the wetness leaking from her proof of their pleasure.

After a moment he slowly pulled out and lay next to her, pulling her close into his side and covering them with sheets. He kissed her shoulder and her forehead.

"I love you." Rey blurted out. Almost immediately wishing she hadn't, would he feel the same? Would he regret it? She basically cheated and used their force bond to seduce him. He had been keeping her at arm's length. She knew that her love scared him. Just as his darkness scared her.

"I know." Ben grinned, kissing her again. The pleasure must have outweighed his fears for now. And what was that? Her brain began to panic. 'i know'? What was THAT?? Ben chuckled as if sensing it, "I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So last chapter I gave you my Reylo Playlist, this chapter I give you my Ben/Kylo playlist. 
> 
> *Important to note that in these playlists some of the songs will only make sense with this fic added to the context*
> 
> Ben/Kylo:
> 
> Control - Halsey  
> Voices - MIW  
> Disguise - MIW  
> Burned At Both Ends - MIW  
> Headache - MIW  
> Holding On To Smoke - MIW  
> (Honestly I feel like MIW unwittingly made a soundtrack for Kylo/Ben)  
> In The End - Linkin Park  
> What I've Done - Linkin Park  
> Numb - Linkin Park  
> (Linkin Park is another band that I feel A LOT of songs are applicable. RIP Chester T-T)  
> Monster - Skillet  
> Animal I've Become - Three Days Grace  
> Hail To The King - Avenged Sevenfold  
> So Cold - Static X  
> Headstrong - Trapt  
> Paint It Black - Rolling Stones  
> I Will Not Bow - Breaking Benjamin  
> My Demons - Starset  
> Cold - Crossfade  
> Natural - Imagine Dragons  
> Battle Born - FFDP  
> Remember Everything - FFDP  
> Right Left Wrong - Three Days Grace  
> Devil In I - Slipknot  
> Sulfur - Slipknot  
> Coming Undone - Korn

Morning light turned the backs of Rey's eyelids from black to warm red as she became aware again after having passed out in the night. A small smile pulled at her lips as she felt the warmth of Ben wrapped around her. His breathing still slow and even.

She turned slowly so that she wouldn't wake him so that she could look at him. Her breath caught. He really was crazy beautiful for a man. His long dark hair tousled about his face, she could imagine running her fingers through it for hours. High, sharp cheek bones and rugged jawline. Full lips and long lashes. 

The entire image was only made better by how peaceful he looked laying there. As if all the stress, horror and hardness of their pasts had never happened and he was just a beautiful young man who loves to read and fly and fight... 

He woke then, his deep brown eyes meeting her own hazel ones. Crinkling as he smiled sleepily at her. Good fucking damn... It was better when he smiled. It made her smile even wider. 

"...morning." He said, kissing her lazily and sliding his hands up and down her back.

"Morning..." She breathed when he released her lips.

They spent the morning getting even better acquainted with each other's bodies. Her vision on the beach come to life as they tangled together. Sometimes he was forceful and commanding, every bit used to having control. Sometimes he was incredibly tender and slow. The consistency was in how he drove her over the edge every time.

After the most recent time that they spent in the shower, they sat down to eat in the afternoon sun. Ben had retrieved his book from the corner of her bedroom. Frowning at how carelessly it had been treated. Smoothing out the pages as best as he could.

"Ben... I need more things to do. I can't just read and have sex all day."

He gave her a cocky grin, "Oh really? I'm having a great time... I'm pretty sure you're enjoying it as well."

"Ben..." She tried to summon her most serious look.

"Yes, yes fine... I get it. I don't want you to get too bored and run off... Besides, I don't think I could let you leave me now." His eyes darkened at the thought.

Rey chewed her lip, wondering if she should be concerned by his possessive thoughts. Weren't hers the same, though? She wouldn't let him leave her again...

"I could work on training you. Maybe get a run down ship for you to rebuild too...." 

"I'm already trained. The ship is a good idea though." Rey perked up.

"You could be better. It's also best that we both keep in shape... In case we are found."

"Better? Ben I beat you TWICE."

He looked like he wanted to say something but simply turned his attention back to his book as if he noticed a particularly interesting paragraph.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, "What?"

"I don't know what you mean." He said innocently, flipping the page.

Rey used the Force to rip the book from his hands to hers, "Say whatever it is."

Sighing deeply he looked up and met her eyes with a blank expression, "You have never beaten me without me being handicapped in some way."

Rey bristled, "BULLSHIT." She snapped.

Ben didn't even flinch, "The first time, I was shot and in a rage. The second time, my mother reached out through the Force as a distraction and NEVER have I ever fought you with full intent to kill you."

"Of course you did." Rey leapt up to her feet. Seething.

Ben tilted his head, studying her, "You are only so adamant to believe that because YOU fought me with the intent to kill me every time. You don't need to feel guilty about it. My feelings aren't hurt."

Rey glared at him, she wasn't guilty... Why... Was she? She shouldn't be! 

"The first time, you wanted me dead because I killed my father. The second time you WANTED to fight and kill me to save the remaining resistance but we blew up my grandfather's light saber. The last time, you wanted me dead for destroying your only chance to get to Exogol without me so that you could kill the one person you wanted dead more than me.... Now that I think about it... You've always had plenty of anger." Ben recounted in a blasé tone that made Rey fume. Did it not bother him that they spent all morning making love after she had wanted him dead so many times? Not to mention now she was reminded again of all the horrid things he had done. She did have plenty to kill him for...

... But then she loved him plenty more. 

"Fine... Let's train. So I can kick your ass." Rey huffed. How crazy he made her.

"Great! This should be fun." He actually looked excited. Maybe books weren't everything.

"Whatever MaStEr KyLo." Rey crossed her arms and looked away. She really was going to show him. She was going to bring him to his knees.

Suddenly he was next to her, grabbing her jaw to make her look at him, "I've said before that that doesn't bother me... What I didn't say is that it really turns me on.." 

Rey wanted to smack him but then he was kissing her again, pulling her up against him. Wasn't it a bit twisted to be turned on by that? Was it worse that she was already ready for him? She couldn't remember why she was mad...

...

Rey decided she missed training. She missed the familiar ache of her muscles. The thrill of getting her form perfect. The comforting hum of her saber through the air.

Unfortunately she had actually been a bit out of shape from being so lax. Exercise left he sore at the end of the day... Also... To her utter dismay Ben kept besting her when it came time to put her perfect forms to use in mock combat.

His strokes were wider and contained such force that she often found herself on the defense. Stumbling to keep her footing and struggling to apply her form. He seemed to switch styles spontaneously. Moving from that to a more agile, quick striking that had her arms shaking from going from one block to another to another in short time.

"Wait! Fuck! Ben! Time!" Rey dropped her arms, panting and sweating. 

Ben was in mid strike and had to click his saber before it could slice through her torso, "Rey! Don't drop your gaurd until AFTER we stop. I could have killed you just now." He was glaring at her, his breathing labored but otherwise seeming much less effected than her. She wanted to hit him.

"I don't understand what I'm doing wrong! I know I can fight!" Rey was so frustrated. It was as if he got better since she fought him in the ruins of the Death Star and she had remained stagnant. Why? Because she went a year without combat? But then she was bounty hunting... Why couldn't she beat him?!

"You can fight, Rey. You're just used to being the biggest kid on the play ground. You haven't had to better yourself. What you've been doing has worked and so you keep doing it. It doesn't affect your ability to fight peasants but it makes you predictable to anyone trained in weilding sabers. Luckily we don't have any saber wielding enemies of late." Rey hated that he sounded reasonable. 

"You haven't had anyone to fight either." She pointed out.

"I have before... Remember I was part of a whole group of young Jedi that Luke was training. I've also had multiple teachers with different methods of training. Switching technique helps throw you off. I gave you the book with different forms? Haven't you explored more than one?" 

Rey grimaced... She had read them but she hadn't tried to put them into action. 

"Start doing them. Get the footing and striking down. Work the other forms just as hard as you work the one." 

"Aren't you afraid I might cut off your arm or something?" Rey shifted uncomfortably. She wanted to beat him but what if she accidentally killed him. Using live sabers seemed... Reckless.

"Is that what you need to feel you have won? I would think putting me on the defensive or forcing me to call time is quite well enough on its own."Ben was peering at her in a way that made her uncomfortable.

"Of course not, I don't want to hurt you."Rey furrowed her brows, why would he think that?

"Of course." Ben said simply, he strolled over to her and laid a kiss on her head, "Why don't we stop for today. It's getting late."

Rey had hated the idea at first, but now she hated more to realize that Ben was actually turning out to be a good teacher. He pushed her, but never more than she could handle. She marveled in his new found calmness. She could have sworn he would fly into a rage or get frustrated with her... But he didn't. 

"Ben...?"

"What is it?"He gathered up their things.

"... What did you do? For those six months? You're very different... Good... But different."

Ben shifted uneasily and raked his hand through his hair, "... Nothing really... Don't be too optimistic Rey... Snakes can't bite if there is no one around to disturb them."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck my life. So I Typed this entire chapter and was so happy with it and then I FUCKED UP AND DELETED IT. KILL ME. That's why it took me longer to upload ._.
> 
> So here we go, take two T-T
> 
> You will notice I am exploring the dark side of Rey heavily in this fic. I find the plot more interesting this way than if she always does what is right. I strongly feel it should have been explored more since she was the MC of the sequel trilogy.

In a few months time Rey had improved dramatically in both her ability to switch between forms and her strength. She found she was keeping pace with Ben, breathing easier and holding her ground.

Their sabers hummed through the air, slashing and crackling when they crashed together. They danced around each other, blocking and swiping. Grinning like children. It really was quite fun to spar with him now that she was on equal grounds.

To mix things up they would change environment from the beach, to the forest and even on the Rocky cliffs on the other side of the peninsula they took residence in. They never, however, used the Force for more than blocking in their mock duels. Too much risk of causing maiming or death.

They did however, train their Force abilities seperately. The simple things like moving objects, stopping them, keeping themselves from falling... And harder things. Such as calling on their bond and pushing it away. Transferring objects through space purposely like she had once done on Exogol. Communicating without words. Trying to do any of these things as effortlessly as possible.

The sun began to set on one of their training sessions and they clicked their sabers off, Ben coming to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her close for a kiss.

She could stay here forever. This moment, was perfect...

Then, a cold and dark feeling swept through Rey and before she could decipher it she was flying back into the tree line and landing with an 'oomf'.

The beach exploded in giant clouds of sand as four ships whizzed through the air and blaster canons rained laser shots down where she had been standing.

Panic tore threw her body, "BEN!"

She screamed and barely got a glimpse of him standing before the ships circled again to rain more fire upon the beach hurtling more sand into the sky. To her utter horror, one ship was the Millennium Falcon, which was pausing to land on the beach next to another.

Sand cleared and Ben raised his hand, using the Force to collide the two airborne ships together. Rey ripped her eyes from the firey explosion and falling pieces to see that both landed ships had emptied. 

A team of five came from the unknown ship, blasters in hand. Chewy, Finn and Poe exited the Falcon. No... Rey looked to Ben. He had not moved. 

Before she could call out to him she saw the fire team aim at him, swallowing her feelings of panic she turned to them. This was what they planned for. This was the thing she dreaded. The worse possible scenario... This is when she showed Ben... She could handle this life.

Resolve filled her and with a deep breath she allowed a still calm to wash over her. She reached out with the Force and the blasters flew out of the team's grip. Three of them ran for their blasters and two brought out electric swords and turned their attention on her.

"Rey!!"Finn's voice caught her attention for a moment, he was staring at her, pleading with his eyes. Ben raised his hand and for a second Rey felt fear, fear that he would kill Finn.

She heard the crackle of an electric blade and turned, shocked to see it coming for her, and just as quickly it fell to the ground. The man wielding it choking and coughing on blood as his throat collapsed in on itself. Bones crunched and jutted through his skin and blood sprayed across her face before he dropped to the ground dead.

Rey looked back to Ben, he lowered his arm, meeting her eyes, then turned to her friends. She swallowed.

As she turned back to her attackers she clicked her saber, twisting and pulling it in a diagnal, upward strike that ripped through the second blade wielding team member. Shock dawned on his features, blood poured from his lips and the two halves of his body slid apart and landed with muted thuds in the sand.

Rey stepped over him just as the first of the other three reached their blaster and pointed it at her. She stalked forward, deflecting each blast. Only one grazed her arm and she hissed in anger and pain. She was tired from training... She needed to finish this quickly. She ripped the blaster away again with the Force just as she bared down on him and with a swift strike she decapitated him.

The next was just about to grab his weapon, she reached out with the Force and with a flick of her wrist his neck turned at an impossible angle and with the sound of a sickening crunch he was dead.

The last didn't bother, they were laying there sobbing up at her, "Please, no, no... Please."

Rey hesitated... It had been so easy... Too terribly easy...

"Leave. This. Place." Rey bit out. They got to their feet and ran to the ship, stumbling as they went. Rey wanted to watch until they left world but was distracted once again with a shout by Poe.

The three of them were facing off Ben with their own electric blades and Ben had gotten a grazed slice across Finn's chest. He was dominating them with those broad, strong strokes and quick slices. Much more used to wielding a blade than them. Yet he held back, not using the Force. A mercy. Simply battling them back.

Then Poe landed a blow and Rey's stomach plummeted. No! Not again. Ben! ... She was relieved only a moment, to see it was a shoulder wound. Then relief was dwarfed by worry as Ben's rage awoke. The beach shaking with the force of it.

He was striking harder and faster. This was the Ben he kept buried. The part of him capable of doing great, terrible things. The part they all had referred to as Kylo Ren.

Rey ran toward them, forcing her legs to move faster under the shifting sand. Realizing she was still too slow she reached out with the Force and Shoved Finn, Poe and Chewy back a few feet. Pushing onward. She was able to ignite her saber and block just before Ben brought his own saber down on Chewy. 

Rey staggered against the Force of it, concentrating on trying to find her feet, "Please, Ben... No." she begged. Trying to reach through his blinding anger. 

Ben's eyes searched hers wildly, then shifted from her to the guys, "I told you... This would happen. You said you would stand with me." 

His tone was slightly hurt, largely accusatory, "I did Ben, I am. Just... Not them.. please."

She saw him struggling, he fought to battle back his wrath. Finally he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. The guys started to stand but she used one hand to throw them back again. 

Ben clicked his saber and opened his eyes. Releasing her from her stance. He pulled her close and held her tight. Too tight, "I didn't want this for you." He whispered.

"I know..."

"You deserve better." He said. She was beginning to worry he was about to turn her away. She held him back tighter. 

"But... I can't live without you." He sighed. Relief swept through her, "We have to leave here. Let's get packed."

They rendered the guys unconscious and bound them up on the Falcon. An hour later they were all aboard, leaving their home behind. 

...

Rey lamented their loss. Why was their always something? Always a fight? Light, Dark. Jedi, Sith. Good, evil. Why could they not just disappear into their own, grey little world?

...

"Why are you doing this Rey?"Poe asked, when he woke. 

"I wish I could make you understand." Rey sighed.

"That monster has brainwashed her into loving him. Something he must of done on Exogol." Finn grumbled as he too, became conscious.

"He didn't brainwash me. I always knew there was light in him. I came to love him on my own. He changed."Rey rubbed at her temples.

"Seems the same to me." Poe quipped and Chewy growled in agreement.

"You attacked us." Rey pointed out.

"He vaporized a man! A village was left in terror." Finn shot back.

"That guy... Deserved it." 

"No one deserves that!" Poe balked.

"He was about to rape me."Rey scowled.

"......"They had a hard time fighting that one, "He still is no good."

"He saved my life... On Exogol. I died..." Rey pushed, how badly she wanted them to see.

"No, Rey. You survived, you saved us. What has he put in your head?!" Poe was fuming.

"Yes, I saved everyone. It cost my life. The only reason I'm here is because Ben traded his life for mine." 

"If that is true... He should have stayed dead. He's a monster." Finn countered.

"You have no idea... You just can't understand. You don't know what it's like. You don't know him." Rey felt so drained.

"I don't think you do either." Poe again "More importantly I don't think you know yourself. You're not the same. Not the girl Finn loved. The girl I admired. The girl full of Light, the last Jedi that won the war and restored hope and peace... You're something else."

"And why can't I be?! Why must I adhere to this standard that you insist of me? Can't I be human? Can I not have my own fear, anger, love, joy, dreams or nightmares? Why must I be this angel of light for YOU?! The war is OVER! Haven't I earned the right to be me? Without apology?! We weren't bothering anyone! YOU hunted us down!" Rey wanted to sob. A deep ache akin to betrayal swayed through her. Only slightly less than what she felt without Ben. Lonliness of another kind. 

When the Force had first awoken within her, she thought it was a scary thing. She didn't want it. Yet she took it on and learned to love it. Now she just wanted to be simple again. To shed the weight of their expectations. Of their toxic desire of what THEY wanted her to be. Was this how Ben had felt all his life?

"Yes." Ben murmured. She had been so lost in herself she failed to feel him. Why couldn't they understand like he did?

"No one will ever know it this way.." She realized she must be broadcasting again.

"You do it a lot, when you feel troubled."The guys were looking back and forth between them in confusion.

Ben strode in and took a seat next to her, shooting them a glare before resting a hand on her knee in comfort.

"Well... I see why she was easily seduced. You're quite pretty for a man." Poe quipped, resorting to his usual trolling manner.

"Back off Poe." Rey warned. He of course didn't listen and continued bating, "I mean it's pretty hard to be intimidated, I ALMOST want to kiss you myself. At least Vader and Palpatine were scary." 

Ben walked over and knelt in front of Poe, clicking his saber on he held it close to Poe's skin, causing him to sweat and the skin to charr, "I do not need to be ugly to make you suffer or invite your fear."

"Should have kept the mask on."Poe bit out, refusing to admit defeat or scream. Rey chewed her lip nervously.

Ben held the saber closer, "You know... Both Vader and Palpatine looked like ordinary men. It was in battle that they became disfigured. Had things been different they would have remained unmarred. Anakin Skywalker was considered what you may call, "pretty". In nature, often the deadliest animals are. A serpent can be attractive to the eye, and deliver more than enough venom to destroy."

Poe gulped and fought back a groan. Rey stood but before she had to say anything Ben stopped. Clicking his saber and standing. Looking over Poe with regal confidence and disdain. 

"At least someone has you in check." Poe spit. Before Rey could protest Ben clicked his saber, stabbing it straight through the other man's shoulder. Causing him to shout in pain.

"Do not gamble with my patience. I really am trying here, but if you push me... I will kill you."

Ben strode from the room. Rey sighed deeply.

"He's SO much better Rey." Finn snapped.

"If you don't bother him, he has no reason to bite." Rey recalled Ben's earlier words.

She left the room and found Ben shirtless, rubbing a salve on his own wound from earlier with a grimace.

"You know that I can fix that."

He looked up at her, "I thought you may be a while... Or possibly be angry with me."

"I don't approve... But I know you have been holding back since you saw the Falcon in the sky... You're trying.." 

She sat in his lap and lay her hand on his chest. Concentrating as the wound closed, pinkened and faded as if it never occurred... She wondered if she continued loving him if their invisible scars would heal and fade away as well...

This was her last thought as they drifted to sleep in each other's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say here, simply thank you to those who have left comments and kudos! I really do appreciate it and I hope you continue to enjoy the story!!
> 
> <3

Rey woke for seemingly no particular reason. Ben was still out and the ship was dead quiet. Yet, she felt something was... Wrong. Standing quietly, she grabbed her saber and started to walk through the ship.

Everything was where she left it, including the guys who were bound up and managing to snore despite the awkward positions they were sleeping in and their surely aching wounds...

Rey laid a hand on each of them gently, allowing the Force energy from her to heal them as well. Feeling slightly less guilty to see them whole again but overall still filled with sorrow. Was it selfish to want her friends and her partner? Freedom and the Light?

Rey buried down her doubts. She went incredibly dark on the beach, she needed to cling to the light. These fears and doubts and angers and sorrows needed to be locked away.

'Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark side.' Rey repeated the mantra again and again in her head as she took another walk about the ship. If Rey and Ben were the balance, then he was the Dark and she the Light. They kept each other in check. If she kept letting her darkness bubble up... She may be responsible for losing Ben to it as well... 

She really could not shake this feeling, like something was amiss. Pacing the ship now, she repeated the mantra again, out loud, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark-"

She was cut off with a thunderous boom as the ship wrenched to the side, slamming her into the wall. Another boom and a wrench to the other side, leaving both sides of her body feeling battered.

"Rey!" Ben came running through the ship, pulling her to her feet.

"I think we are under attack." Rey grimaced and moved her arms and legs stiffly. Shaking some feeling back into them. 

They walked into the room where the guys were bound just as another blast shook the ship, this time Rey was ready, using the Force to stabilize herself.

Chewy let out a howl that was echoed by Finn's own fear, "They have to know we are on here... But they are firing anyway?"

"I haven't exactly been a fan of the council leader... She is quite ruthless... Not in a way I admire." Poe sighed heavily.

"Council leader?" Rey inquired.

Poe stared at her a moment, debating on rather or not he should say anything. Another blast hit the ship and it loosened his tongue, "The Republic chose to finally elect a council of 23 members. Elizabet Morrow was elected leader after I turned it down... She... Is a piece of work."

Rey didn't have time to hash out why Poe had not taken the position, he was groomed by Leia herself!

"I need to get us out of here."Ben grabbed Rey and kissed her, pausing a moment to give her a strange look as he held her, this look she didn't know changed and became fear, "Now." 

"What's wrong?" Rey asked but he was already out of the room and on his way to the cockpit. Had he had a vision?

Poe, Chewy and Finn were all just staring, "What?"

"He's a strangely protective monster."Finn grumbled.

Rey sighed, "He's not a monster."

With that she ran down and jumped in the blaster seat. Gasping at the sight of a giant Republic ship and a dozen fighters. Ben was maneuvering them through the fighters with skill but that wasn't going to help for very long. Rey aimed for the fighters, delighted when she managed to take a couple out.

Ben got in the clear and jumped to light speed. Bringing them out of the chaos and into quiet space. Rey sighed... But her relief was short lived. The fighters had followed. 

"Light speed tracking..." Ben said blandly. As if it wasn't the First Order who had first used it against the Rebels. The past always coming back to bite them in the ass.

"Rey!"Poe yelled.

"I'm kind of BUSY." Rey shouted, struggling to take out another fighter as the Falcon took a hit again.

"I would like to HELP!" Poe sounded a little more panicked as Ben rolled the Falcon a spiral through several fighter ships. The cruiser in the background sending out more.

Rey chewed her lip, "How do I know you wont-"

"THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME TOO." Poe cut her off. She supposed he had a point.

Climbing from the pit she ran and released him and Finn and Chewy, "Don't make me regret this... Please."

Poe ran to help copilot and Finn for the blasters. Rey and Chewy went to work trying to keep the Falcon together. 

"You want to light speed skip the Falcon?"

"Yes."

"It will destroy the ship."

"Maybe... Sort of... I've done it before. It's our best shot."

"... Fine."

Rey smiled as she heard Poe and Ben managing to come to agreement. Maybe... Just maybe she could have everything?

"Hang on guys!"Poe yelled, and then the Falcon was skipping through space. For a moment Rey was relieved, surely they would be fine.

However... It seemed that there was no end to the fighters showing up where ever they skipped. An hour later they were incredibly low on fuel. Making one last jump and desperately trying to shoot down all the fighters.

Then, the cruiser. Rey joined Poe and Ben in the cockpit. Both men looking grim and tired. Rey put a hand on Ben's shoulder, squeezing tightly... Was this it?

"We're getting a message from the Cruiser." Poe pointed out. With a heavy sigh, Ben accepted the transmission.

"Kylo Ren, this is Elizabet Morrow. Council Leader of the Republic. You can not escape, surrender or meet your end."

Poe and Rey looked to Ben. Ben looked back up at Rey. Ever since he had kissed her before she had had the sense that he knew something she didn't, "What is it, Ben?"

He didn't answer, simply turned on his own com, "Should I surrender, would I have your garuntee or that the passengers of this ship will be safe?"

"Ben!" Rey squeezed his shoulder tight. What was he doing?!

"Well of course! It is men of the Republic and the last Jedi that you have aboard. I want nothing but their safety. Surrender, Kylo Ren. Face your judgement."

"I surrender." Ben agreed, cutting communication.

Rey balked and even Poe looked somewhat surprised, "Ben you can't! You said you wouldn't!"

Ben looked at her for a long time, "I want better things for you, Rey."

The ship lurched forward as the cruiser began to tow it in. Rey was struggling to force down her fear and anguish and fury. She was going to lose him again. 'Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark side.' ... If she was going to save them she was going to need all of her Jedi strength.

Moments later, the Falcon landed on the cruiser and the door opened. Ben stood tall at the front of them and Rey fought back her tears as they exited the ship. Never had she seen a man look so regal and strong. Even as Supreme Leader he had not carried this much power in his body language. At this moment, she would believe him a king. At this moment, she saw Leia in Ben.

"Former Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, I am delighted to finally be able to bring the families of the people you and the First Order slaughtered justice." Elizabet Morrow smirked, deep satisfaction etched in her features. Rey supposed she looked like a force to be reckoned with, but after being lead by Leia Organa... There simply was no comparison.

"Rey Skywalker, Poe Dameron, Finn and Chewbacca. You have done well. Soldiers, escort the prisoner."

As two men approached Ben, Rey leapt into action. Shoving out with the Force and causing them to fly backward. Ripping her saber from her waist and igniting it.

"Rey, no!"Ben shouted at her, a look of panic coming across his features. No? No?! How could he expect her to stand back and allow him to offer himself up like some sacrifice?! Rey Forced more soldiers back.

"Rey Skywalker... How unfortunate that you have fallen to the Dark side... We will do all in our power to bring you back. We cannot lose the last Jedi." Elizabet sounded cold and hollow, she raised her hand to give some kind of signal.

Rey stood, ready to deflect fire from the soldiers... Instead ... She felt a small sting in her neck. Reaching up, she pulled out a small dart, "Damn it..." 

"No!"Ben roared and moved to fight, but was shot with his own paralytic. Rey cursed internally as she fought to keep her stance. The same damn poison used by the Twin. Her vision blurred, the room spun.

Ben.

She took a shaky step toward him. He reached for her, she managed to grab his hand and he pulled her close and kissed her roughly, "Don't fight Rey, promise me. You have to keep him safe."

The room spun and lurched again and the world went black.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS THEMES OF ABORTION AND MENTAL HEALTH. 
> 
> If you have gotten this far, thank you for your patience and support <3
> 
> 2/12/2020

Rey groaned as she ascended from the initial black out caused by the paralytic. She was surprised to realize that she was not on the cruiser any longer, but some planet. Blinking away her blurry vision she found that she was bound to a contraption quite similar to that Ben had once had her restrained to... So long ago. The difference was a medical drip that was undoubtedly keeping a steady stream of drugs running through her system.... Smart.

Rey did her best to get a view of the room with her limited perception, unable to turn her head. It was incredibly dark, a small table in front of her. The only light shine down on her, she could barely make out a door in the corner.

That door opened, spilling silver light into the room for a split second before closing again. A rather scrawny, weasel looking man entered the room and placed something on the table. It was covered by a cloth but Rey could swear it was a jar.

"Rey Skywalker, I am so delighted to meet you. Have no fear, I'm here to help you." The man's voice was slightly high pitched and lilting in a strange way.

Rey took a deep breath, "I don't need any help." 

"Well, well... You are indeed so powerful. Most people can't speak when under the influence of this medicine. I'm so happy you can manage though. How else would we be able to communicate?" He completely glossed over what she said.

"I have not succumbed to the Dark side. Release me." Rey commanded.

He looked at her and gave an annoyingly happy smile, "I believe that you believe that. I think you are at least half right, I don't think you succumbed to the dark side. I think you are suffering from something more human. Despite your power you are , after all, still a person."

"What?" Rey frowned. This guy really put her on edge, she could feel goosebumps raising on her flesh.

"It's obvious that you seem to be suffering from some mental manipulation, of course? Or perhaps Stockholm syndrome? I believe we can get through this together." 

Rey blinked hard at him, was he serious? Furthermore his grin never seemed to waver, it was freaking unnerving, "I have not been manipulated. I love Ben Solo. He loves me. We just want to be left alone, where is he?"

"In time you will see dear. I understand it is hard for you to accept, to come to terms with what happened to you will be painful. Rest assured, I will be with you every step of the way." Rey was beginning to think that this man only ever heard his own words. 

"If the Republic is employing psych physicians then they should really find someone more qualified. Where did they find you anyway?" Rey regarded him with disgust. This man was unwell, even as weakened as she was she could tell. 

His smile seemed to take on the appearance of merely baring teeth at her last retort, "I understand you have been through a trauma Rey, but please refrain from insult. Ms. Morrow herself hand selected me."

"What trauma? Do you hear yourself? I'm completely fine!"Rey was not at ease by the fact that Elizabet had selected this man. That woman herself seemed pretty cold. Like a dead eel that walked and talked.

How did people like this always come to power?

The man frowned, but it seemed so insincere, "Why your abduction and rape of course."

Rey laughed, "I went willingly and there most definitely was no rape."

"The proof is undeniable dear."He tapped the mystery jar on the table, "It is common to block out painful memories though. So we will start your therapy with confronting the truth."

Rey felt frustration creeping up inside her, 'anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side'. She took a deep, calming breath, "You can't confront something that didn't happen."

"True dear, but this did happen. Your rape resulted in conception." The man shook his head, frowning deeper in mock sympathy. 

Rey frowned... Conception? Then she smiled, a baby. Her and Ben's baby. That's right! Ben said she had to protect him. It was a boy! Would he look like her? He would probably have Ben's dark hair... Genetics and all.

"Please, I won't fight. Just let me out, the drugs can't be good for him." Rey pleaded. Ben had tried to protect them. Ben knew. She had to get to him. They were having a baby!

"No dear, they will not affect him. Ms. Morrow knew your recovery would be hard. She granted you a mercy, ironically it will be the first big step in your break through." He pushed the jar forward.

Rey frowned at it... A dark thought creeping into the back of her brain. A terrible, ugly fear. Her stomach plummeted, "... What... Did you do?"

'fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side. Be with me. Be with me. Be with me.' Rey tried to call on the Jedi but the drugs caused her head to throb in pain.

"No one should be forced to carry such a burden..." He began to slide the cloth away from the jar, tears stung Rey's eyes.

'Be with me. Be with me. Be with me! Master Luke! Leia!' 

A horrified shriek escaped Rey as the cloth fell away. Inside the jar, was her baby. No bigger than a plumb and not fully developed but enough to take more human shape. With small arms and hands. She must have been... 12 weeks? How had she not realized? Her and Ben's baby. Their son. Their boy. 

Rage and grief bubbled up and she fought to squash them down. Terrified by the strength of feeling, surely it would drown her. Would her pain of losing Ben even compare to what this threatened to demolish her with.

'Anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side.' She felt something deep inside her crack and forgiving numbness settled inside her.

"...Rey....Rey. I see you need some time to process the truth you have confronted." The man's voice managed to reach her. He moved to grab the jar.

"Don't." Rey whispered, unable to tear her eyes away. He gave a small nod and left the room.

...

Rey had no concept of how long had passed but it felt like an eternity. The man had not come back so she assumed that it had only been a few hours...

'Rey.'

"Whose there?!" Rey demanded, eyes finally leaving the jar to shift around the room. Had someone come in and she hadn't noticed?

Something moved in the dark. Or was she seeing things?

'Would you like me to help you, Rey?' A shadow seemed to form and detach itself from the wall to form a cloaked female figure on the other side of the table.

"Who are you?"Rey tried to see a face but it was too dark. Was she having a vision? 

'I have no name that I can give you...but I can help you, Rey.' 

"Why should I believe that?" Rey asked incredulously.

'Im born of you, Rey.'

Rey scoffed, "Sure."

'I am. I am everything you fight so hard to bury deep inside of you. Your fears, your angers and ... Your deepest pains..." A slender shadowy hand reached out and caressed the jar on the table.

"Ah, so now I am crazy." Rey muttered. Maybe it was the drugs? A trick? Maybe she was indeed insane?

'Perhaps you are... That doesn't change the fact that I can help you.'

Rey sighed, "How do you plan to do that?"

'Just accept me Rey... Quit trying so hard to expel everything that is me.'

"Nice try. I don't know who you are, but I will not fall to the Dark side."

'You can not continue to cast me out, Rey. It weakens you. You can not be half of a person. The sooner you accept me, the sooner you can rise.'

Bright light filled the room again as the physician returned, "Hello again Rey, I'm here to replace your drip and administer some medication to help with any discomfort from your procedure."

"Please, stop this." Rey said, her eyes still on the shadowy figure that he seemingly couldn't see.

"This brings me no joy Rey, trust me. If I believed your break through was easy I would love to release you. I do have good news though. Kylo Ren had faced his trial in front of the council and he will face his execution in a few hours. He will never harm you again." The man smiled as he replaced her drip bag and pulled a chair close to her, placing some shots and cleaning supplies on the table.

"Ben..." Rey looked to the shadowy figure... The Jedi were not with her... Not here in this dark place... If she didn't do something...

'Accept me, Rey.' 

"What will happen?" Rey asked.

"Well dear I'm just going to sanitize your arm here and then..."The man thought she was speaking to him.

'That depends entirely upon yourself, Rey. I am part of you. I can garuntee though, you will have the power to leave this place.'

Rey wanted more time. Time to think, time to weigh the option... but she didn't have time. Time was slipping away as she stared at the figure. She swallowed hard, "I... Accept you."

The shadow shot from the dark and wrapped around Rey and filled her. The numbness was shattered like thin glass and a sob caught in Rey's throat. She felt it. She felt unimaginable grief and anger. A loss so deep and strong that all she saw was blackness, all she felt was pain...

The physician looked up in confusion, his eyes upon Rey Skywalker who had managed to turn her head and look at him with dark, eyes.

"Peculiar..."His confusion turned to fear and his words died as life energy was sucked from him into Rey from where he held her arm. Strength returned to Rey and even though she could feel whole again she continued to feed on his energy... until he dropped dead.

Her restraints were forced open and she reached down to pull the IV slowly from her arm. Rolling her shoulders and stretching her limbs she headed for the door, pausing only to collect the jar. She was going to Ben, she needed her saber... Perhaps she would warm it up on the way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouch, I'm sorry for the hiatus, not gonna lie I may have been a bit depressed and just not feeling the creative juices flowing. I'm back though and I hope you will be pleased with this update.
> 
> 3/3/2020

Ben wanted to laugh. It was indeed somewhat hilarious. Upon his first awakening they had sent in a big scary looking man with all manner of torture instrument. Demanding information on Death Bringers and hoping to torture it from him.

Did they not know who he was? Did they not know his former masters? The torture they inflicted was nothing compared to the pains he had been dealt from Snoke or the pains of his own conscience. Of course it was a fruitless quest either way because he did not associate with the Death Bringers but he still wouldn't give them the satisfaction of hearing him scream.

The only thing that did keep him from outwardly laughing was his worry for Rey and their son. Their son. He bit his lip so as not to smile. His nature was to worry about rather or not the child would share his darkness, if his blood would taint him... But the joy... The joy of creating this beautiful thing with Rey... Was overpowering. So instead he didn't worry about his son, he worried FOR them.

The ugly sack of muscle before him slowly dragged a dagger down Ben's arm, the sharp metal biting into his flesh and bringing forth a line of fresh blood. Ben supposed it did sting and that he should be worried about how quickly the liquid came gushing after just a moment but, he only looked at his arm blankly. Almost staring through it.

Would Rey be able to get away with their son? Would the paralytic that they were using on them cause him harm?

The man gave up in frustration, throwing his blade on a metal tray and stalking out of the bright white room. Ben looked around to see his blood splatter in various stages of coagulation. Was it possible to survive so much blood loss? Let alone stay conscious through it?

As if an answer, his vision blurred and blackness overcame him. 

...

When Ben came back to consciousness he was face to face with Ms. Morrow herself. He was about to make a flippant remark but then he noticed that she looked rather nervous. All the hardness of their earlier encounter completely absent. 

He followed her gaze to his body to find that all the wounds that mr. Muscle had inflicted on him had knitted closed leaving nothing but thin pink scars that were seemingly fading as he looked at them.

Curious. He surely wasn't in any position to heal himself, "Interesting." He murmered.

Ms. Morrow's gaze snapped to his and he saw it clearly, the fear in them. She clenched her jaw, unclenched, paced and then finally stopped to speak to him.

"Former Supreme Leader and War Criminal, Kylo Ren.... The New Republic is prepared... To offer you a pardon."

Ben raised his eyebrows at her, how much had that pained her to say? More importantly... Why was a pardon suddenly on the table. Before he had been told that once they had gotten what information they needed that he would face his execution. What had changed?

Ah. Of course... The only reason to pardon a monster... Is a bigger monster, "What's going on?"

Ms. Morrow took a deep breath, "Rey Skywalker is on her way... She has completely wiped out 300 men and women that we employ at a psychiatric hospital on another planet. We have reason to believe she is heading here with intent to kill."

Ben blinked at her. Rey? His Rey? The mother of his son? Coldly killed 300 people? Sure she could be heated and deadly but, surely not. She had a knack for clinging to the Light. She was good. So much better than him...

"Why?"

"The pardon is of course because of your willingness to protect the New Republic."

Ben rolled his eyes, "No. Why would she want to come kill you after such a spree?"

"...I assume to free you." Ms. Morrow turned from him to hide her face but he could still hear the lie in her voice. She was holding back. Something big.

"I will not kill Rey." He said simply.

"Kill her? I don't care if you kill her. Just stop her. Get her as far from this world as possible. Disappear again for all I care. Just put her on a leash." Ms. Morrow hissed frantically.

Ben stared at her suspiciously, "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I only tried to help her." Ms. Morrow rose her chin indignantly. Yet her voice wavered slightly.

"Tell me. Or you will have more than Rey to worry about."

She stared at him a long moment, "... I... Helped her correct a mistake. One she would have had to live with her entire life... Being an unexpected mother is hard enough.. but the child of Kylo Ren?" She scoffed in disgust, "I thought surely she would be overjoyed to be rid of it."

Oh. He was wrong. They could very well indeed inflict a pain on him worse than any he had felt before. It swept through him and around him like a storm and sickness like no other roiled in his gut. 

His son... Their son... She had terminated him. Was this what the universe had decided? His divine punishment? Not death? Not the hatred of the woman he loved? But the loss of a child? A pain that he had inflicted on so so many more citizens throughout the galaxy. 

He felt it. It felt like being hit by a speeder and tortured by snoke at the same time. It felt like the betrayal of Luke and the murder of his father in one. Yet it was so much worse than any of these things. This was what he deserved. This was that pain.

'No one deserves this, Ben.'

Ben blinked hard through tears to stare passed Ms. Morrow. She was speaking to him but he did not hear her words through pain and shock.

Before him stood a force ghost. Who?

'Ben, I am your grandfather. Anakin Skywalker.'

The tears that had built up within him finally spilled over. Did he deserve to set eyes on this man? This man whom he had revered and humiliated with his actions? Claiming it was all to complete his mission. What a foolish child he had been! Manipulated and used by Palpatine... Ben dropped his eyes, disgusted with himself. He could not look at this great man. He once again only felt like a stupid young boy.

'I am not angry with you, Ben. You think so highly of me... Yet you forget. I too... Once served the dark side. I too... Once fell victim to the manipulation of Palpatine.'

Ben slowly rose his eyes to his grandfather, aglow in blue and a vision of youth and health. A gentle and sad smile on his face... 

'I am with you Ben.'

How? The sudden thought slicef through Ben's pain with confusion. How WAS he with him? Ben was on the new drug and furthermore he had never been visited before.

'We are able to be with your for the same reason you have been healed... Your dyad. Rey is free and strong. She has awakened a strength and darkness within her that even she does not know the limits of. But you must help her Ben... She can get lost in this darkness.'

We?

'Ben.'

'My son...'

Ben turned his head slowly as the Force ghost of his uncle and his mother appeared. Ben's breath shuddered out. When was the last time he had actually set eyes on his mother? 

His feelings were racing through him one after another in a cycle. Pain. Loss. Regret. He could never be sorry enough for as long as he lived.

'You will have time to live a life making up for it... Should you choose.' His mother whispered.

How?

'You will bring back Rey. The balance.' Luke said simply.

But how?

'Help you, we will. Us, all.' Ben turned to where his grandfather stood to see him accompanied by a small green creature. And more. The room was full of Jedi ghosts, looking to him.

'Welcome back to the Light, Ben. We will be with you.' Anakin smiled.

'Welcome home.' said Leia.

Pain still rolled through Ben but he took a deep breath and finally turned his attention to Ms. Morrow who was turning blue in the face from frustration.

"Kylo Ren, will you or will you not accept this task for the pardon of your crimes?" She demanded.

"...Ben."

"What?"

"My name, is Ben Solo. Release me, so I can go to Rey."


End file.
